The statement made by Scott Infante, has impacted my relationship with the Father. The force of this revelation changed the course of my journey with the Lord forever. I don't know about any of you out there, but for the most of my life I have had no idea who I really am. I have been through the self-help wringer, took the PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) class in high school, tried to change my thoughts, my habits, my clothes--anything to become the person I wanted to be. The truth is everything failed, and I was still left empty. This crisis in identity left me even suicidal at times.

"In God's presence alone do I become.." When I first heard this, I said it over and over to myself. "In God's presence alone do I become.." It is in and through my relationship with God that He reveals to me who He has made me. In His presence. How often do we say that we spent time in the Word, or praying and therefore were with God? Being in the presence of the Lord himself is something entirely different. (I'm not saying that studying the Word and praying are not important, don't misread my message here.) What I'm talking about is communing with The Father.

Communing with the Father was a scary proposition for me. It required that I allow myself to be vulnerable to Him, and willing to allow Him to show me who I really am; no faking, rationalizing, or covering up certain parts. It's like standing in front of a mirror completely naked, looking at yourself and saying "This is me," and being willing to accept yourself, flaws and all. This was also a scary proposition to me because frankly, I didn't trust the Lord very much. I thought His grace only applied if I behaved well for Him; He was going to bless me only if I did as he asked, and if I messed up He would snatch it away, or pull the rug out from under me.

But, it was in this communing with Him that I began to accept what is the Real me, forsaking the False Jennifer I had labored to create. In doing so, I had to repent of what I had rejected for so long. Everything about myself that I had said was wrong, and repulsive, ugly, detestable, but that the Lord had made, I repented of. I had been trashing what the Lord Himself had created! I looked at this person He formed and said "I HATE that!" As I have been in the process of repenting, He has come in like the wind around me and brought an acceptance and a love for myself that is pure and holy. It is His love, and His eyes I am enveloped in and through which I see. What relief to discover what is Real. I can let out my breath. As I draw even closer to Him I am called into even more radical boldness, and truth...and belief. It is my Father who forms me, alone. It is Him who tells me who I am. He changes my behavior and habits, my thoughts and my desires; not me and not another soul on this earth.

Communing with Him inevitably draws you deeper into relationship with Him As you allow Him to reveal who you really are, and who He really is, He saturates you with the Truth. This love that you knew on the surface that was from God suddenly begins to seep in, subtly sinking into the very depths. Often this experience is extremely painful. He will ask you to admit things, give some up, leave some behind...it's different for each person, but He blesses integrity. As you walk toward Him in obedience, He will be there. His love will wash through the wastelands, and fill up the empty river beds. He will make the hard, cracked soil moist again, and the Master Gardener will plow the soil of your heart and plant seeds of righteousness. He will give you the faith that cannot be shaken, and hope for the miraculous. He will make you the living word. And you will know, really know...that you are His. Commune with Him. Isaiah 58

}Jen Sheldon

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